So the word on the street is that Tom Cruise is at it again with the Mission: Impossible franchise. The entertainment industry has given Tom some high praises as he returns to the role of Ethan Hunt in Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation.
Here is the scenario…
The time is exactly 1400 hours and you just had lunch. On this particular day you decided to Live Más and bust a mission to Taco Bell down the street. What a great call… the meal was good. In fact, it was almost too good!
So there you are, at your desk… Having just had the best meal of the day (perhaps best of the week if you’re a millennial bachelor), you’re barely awake trying to fight off that food coma. Suddenly, you feel a small pain in your stomach. Being a trained agent, you sense something bad is about to happen. What do you do? Retrace your steps of course! Was it the two Crunchwrap Supremes you powered down earlier? Was it that free taco you found at the bottom of the bag? You were certain that female cashier had a crush on you and left the taco in the bag as a sign of affection!... Or was it? Before you can pinpoint the culprit, the pain in your stomach sharpens. Your face turns ghostly white and your body reacts in cold sweat… Shit! You are in deep shit! I’m possibly poisoned. What’s to come is an ass-load of pain.
Channeling all the energy in your body to suppress the floodgate from bursting, you shoot right up from your seat. With what little effort that’s left, you try your hardest to keep a calm expression as you march down the hall.
There! You see it! Right up ahead! A wooden door with metal handles that leads to the promised land. You hasten your pace while at the same time making sure no poisonous gas escapes the valve before reaching the extraction point.
BAM! You slam your shoulder against the door, knocking it back and causing it to come in contact with the wall behind it. Screw it! You are on a mission, and no door is going to stop you. After successfully disarming the enemy’s primary defense, you take a few cautious steps forward and proceeds to scan your surroundings. You are in luck! There seems to be no perimeter patrol securing this area. There. Right next to the stall, you see a hinged door wide open, signaling that the extraction point is clear to proceed.
Mustering every ounce of energy in your body, you dash for the mission control. Upon arriving in this 8x8 cubic feet command center, you give the throne it’s initial flush to remove any residue left by the previous agent. With all evidence gone, you reach for the white special ops cover to prep for the mission [aka toilet seat cover - always use a cover, your ass will thank you for it]. With the target in sight, you unzip and mount the bazooka.
BOOM!!! Shots Fired!!! Shots Fired!!!!
With your head between your arms, you proceed to spray and pray. Leave no enemies alive! After what seems to be a full minute and a half of barrage, you finally run out of steam and break to allow the bazooka to cool. During this down time, you reach into your pocket for your trusty gadget [your phone - not sure if this is recommended in order to keep things sanitary… haha!]. But let’s face it, most male field agents need an intelligent gadget to provide a constant stream of information and do reach for this device during the op. Lucky for you, you’re tapped into the company wifi, thus ensuring full connectivity.
While you eagerly absorb the information from your trusty gadget, you hear fast approaching footsteps. No! The patrol unit has returned. Before you can even come up with a quick plan of attack, you hear the restroom door swing open. Today is the day you put your training to the test. As the footsteps outside increase in volume, you immediately respond by clearing your throat and move about vigorously, hoping to throw the enemy off guard. Holding your breath for what seem like hours, you finally hear the footsteps walk pass the stall you’re currently in. Success!
Good thinking agent. Now let’s wrap this mission up. After spending another 10 minutes in your hideout, you finally hear the enemy washing his hands and the door shutting behind him as he steps outside. This is it! It’s time to move in for the final kill. You quickly reach over for the roll of toilet paper and proceed to kill off the last of the enemies. [For your reading pleasure, may we recommend Dry Wet Dry, our past article.] Once everything is done, you stand up, zip up, and push the kill switch. PSSST… BOOM! The gravitational force comes alive and devours all remaining evidence.
You casually step out of this 8x8 cubic feet space and stroll towards the sink. You turn on the faucet, apply some soap and rinse your hands [always always wash your hands after]. Transferring your wet palms under the dryer allows for maximum cleaning. With everything good as new, you place your hands in your pockets and smoothly slide out to the world without anyone noticing.
by ManPossible Agent