The Toilette (Twilight) Zone - One with Nature: Part 1 of 2

Bringing this mysterious object in for a closer look, I was immediately hit with a scent of fresh zest, wildflowers and, I don’t know, butterfly kisses, that caused me to do a double take.  DAMN!!!  Nature never smelled so good! 

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I have a confession to make (OK, it’s one of many)….  I am utterly and completely out of shape.  As a matter of fact, the only shape that I am on track to hit is Α = πг2 (That’s a circle, for all you liberal arts majors).  After months of winter hibernation in the man-cave, today I finally stepped out into the light.  Armed with nothing but a pair of boots (ok, pants too), I set off on a journey to bond with nature.

Two hours later, I am elevated hundreds of feet above sea level at Mt. Wilson Trail, Sierra Madre, CA., clutching my chest to catch my breath.  If I don’t die of a sudden heart attack, the dangerously narrow and winding hike trail will surely do the job.  This ever-changing trail, made up of dirt, rocks and debris, is no yellow brick road leading to the Emerald City.  With every ascent becoming steeper and every step landing in uncertainty, it becomes clearer that this is no walk in the park for someone who just came out of the cave.    

Aside from the occasional cool breeze you get at high altitudes, my journey commenced under the blazing sun!

I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of oxygen, dehydration, or sheer overload of nature, but I was hallucinating….  What I saw was an image, an image of a well-forged vessel.  This grayish-silver container was about the size of a smart phone, roughly 5 - 6 inches in diagonal length.  It weighed about 4.6 ounces.  The uniformed body had a removable cap at the top with a small dial housed at the center of the base.  As my eyesight slowly came into focus, I noticed two distinctive red labels resting on the cap and the body.   I was only able to make out the words of the first label, with the voice inside my head slowly forming the phrase “For Nocturnal Creatures.”

For those who have heard the phrase “Natural High”, you haven’t seen anything yet.… [From the distance, I see a shadow approaching me; the shadows of a creature with unparallel structure.  As I stood there paralyzed in fear, the creature slowly stretches its wings…  Wait, this is not the story of Batman and before my Editor smacks me over the head...]  Before I could make clear of the words inscribed on the second label, my attention zoned in on the visuals surrounding the text.  What I saw was an image of two wolves in a 69 position, surrounded by thin branches stretching out on all sides.  Bringing this mysterious object in for a closer look, I was immediately hit with a scent of fresh zest, wildflowers and, I don’t know, butterfly kisses, that caused me to do a double take.  DAMN!!!  Nature never smelled so good!

Further regaining my consciousness after the refreshing aroma, I finally realized where I was, and more importantly, what the writings on the label read.  As I began to decipher the phrase, I was interrupted by a foreign voice, “Sir!  Would you like a bag for that?”  BAM!!!  Just like that I was swallowed into a light speed warp hole and reemerged at the checkout line greeted by a confused sales clerk. 

Then it hit me.  It has been 2.5 hours since my hike at Mt. Wilson and I am actually standing at my local supermarket / drugstore checkout line.  Apologizing to the sales clerk, I said: “Oh, sorry.  I had a long day.  You wouldn’t believe what just went on in my head.”  Smiling at me she said, “No worries, we see people like you all the time.  So, would you like a bag for that Old Spice Wolfthorn Anti-Persirant /Deodorant?”  And sure enough, out of the palm of my hands I see two wolves staring right back at me….

You, sir, have just entered the Twilight Zone.  Tune in for our hands-on review of this nature’s animal, in our next article.

by ManPossible