MAN-Tools Series - Scissors

Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Welcome back to another edition of ManPossible’s MAN-Tools series.  For those of you who missed the first MAN-Tools article on Razors, you can check it out right “Here”.  

Do you remember?  Your parents used to tell you not to run with SHARP objects in your hands?  Well, as your loyal grooming companions, we beg to differ.

Let us welcome you all to MAN-Tools -- Scissors Edition….  Ah, scissors, the forbidden object of desire when I was growing up.  The fact that “adults” gave cautionary warnings made scissors that much more desirable.  During my childhood, if you had a pair of scissors in your hands you pretty much had the world at your grasp….  OK, OK, maybe I am exaggerating a bit.

Regardless of how hyperbolic my previous comment was, one thing is for certain; this simple object born by joining two identical halves of metal blades is quite the handy tool for all grooming types.  To help the average caveman get better acquainted with this cutting tool, we offer the following primer.

Nostril/Nose Hair Scissors

If you think armpit hairs came in weird shapes, then you’re in for a surprise.  Wait ‘til you see your nose hair.  For that exact reason, we couldn’t think of a better pair of scissors to start clipping away those alien-like extensions.  Here’s a list of key features / highlights:

Size – These scissors tend to run on the small side (one of the few times where smaller is better).  These scissors are usually 3 – 4 inches long.  The reason???  Well, let’s face it -- anyone in his right mind won’t be shoving a pair of 6 inch scissors up his schnozz.  The small size gives the user steady control for a mission in a sensitive area.

Special Feature(s) – What makes the Nostril Scissors unique is the distinctive round shape of the tips of the blades.  The main reason for the rounded edge is to prevent us from accidentally gouging ourselves (Haha…the things we men do).  A rounded edge does not mean the blade itself is dull.  If you don’t believe us, try lending this scissor to your emo friend (everyone has at least one emo friend).

Eyebrow Scissors

If there’s any upside to nostril hair, it would be  that it’s hard for people to notice -- unless you have nostril hair the size of whiskers.  This second type of hair we’re going to tackle is a little less forgiving.  Man-scaping our way northwards, we set our sights on the next pair of snippers:  Eyebrow Scissors.  Before we even dive into this piece, I want some of the men in the audience to confess to plucking their eyebrows (be it by your own free will or per a lady friend’s request) ….  We at ManPossible just want to let you fellas know your actions are not only forgiven, but encouraged.  God gave us eyebrows, not a mono-brow!

Size – Like the nostril scissors, these come in a compact size.  Why???  Again, the smaller size offers better maneuverability.  Or maybe, umm, did we ever tell you about the time little Timmy took his arts & crafts scissor to the eyebrows?  Yeah, you get where we’re going with this.

Special Feature(s) – No, this does not give you the ability to draw magic eyebrows with a Sharpie.  And some of you know what we are talking about here – those of you whose girlfriends play Picasso, enhancing their own brows daily.  Just imagine a comb and a pair of scissors making a baby – presto, these are your Eyebrow Scissors.  But Wait!  There’s More.  If ugly is the best name you can come up for that baby, we don’t blame you.  But you do get a useful pair of scissors with a purposely angled (curved) blade body, with one side housing a sleek and sharp blade while the other resembles a miniature comb.  Some eyebrow combs are detachable, which allows for the dual purpose of being a pair of regular scissors as well.

Instructions – Out of the kindness of our hearts and the bro code, we are going to teach you how this puppy works.  1) Rub your finger(s) against your eyebrow and “brush up” the eyebrow hair.  2) Just as you would comb your hair, run the comb in an upward motion through your eyebrow and trim the hair to the desired length.  3) Remember to maintain symmetry by repeating for the other eyebrow.  4) You are done.  Stare at the mirror and give yourself a big grin.

All Purpose Grooming Scissors

APG Scissors for short, this two blade wonder is your average Joe of scissors, the Jack of All Trades.  If you haven’t seen or used one of these … I’d “Check yo self before you wreck cut yo self.”

Size – This is a ubiquitous grooming tool and comes in various sizes; usually no greater than 6 inches in length.  We suggest picking the size you are most comfortable and confident with when holding it in your hand.

Functionality – The APG is like Batman’s utility belt.  Beyond nose and eyebrow missions, the APG can: 1) Trim facial hair; 2) cut hair on the head; 3) trim body hair; Etc.  It’s worth noting that the performance of APG scissors for each of the listed tasks will ultimately depend on the quality of the scissors themselves and the skill level of the user.

Now that you’ve been enlightened about the various kinds of scissors for grooming, we urge you to put on some running shoes and grab a pair of scissors -- or NOT!  

by ManPossible